Going back on the roller coaster

I love roller coasters. Maybe it’s my personality or something, but the thrill of the twists and turns, the slight fear, the rush of wind. They’re great.

Back in October when Jack passed away, it was like the end of an awesome roller coaster ride. Jack, Patty and I have always had adventures together and the last eight years was no exception. Our decision to step up and take care of him, our continued respect for his wishes, even when everyone, heck even us sometimes, thought he was out of his mind. The joy, the jokes, the trips, the hospital visits, the lessons learned…..what a ride.

I said many times to Jack that I would be writing a book when it was all over. We laughed until we cried sometimes, Jack and I, thinking how much fun it all was. And the idea of telling these stories again scares me to death sometimes. I have a great memory for the details, but will everyone else see it the way we did, the way we do?

I guess it doesn’t really matter. It’s all point of view anyway. I’ll put out there what I see and you’re going to see it through your own lens. Or lenses in Jack’s case.

I’ve been trying to get the book started since school ended. But jewelry repairs that had been piled up and ignored during school, several wholesale orders that came in right after school and some custom work all pinned me to my workbench for a couple weeks.

I finally found the groove in the last few days. It’s begun for real and it feels like I’m riding my favorite roller coaster all over again. And Jack is sitting in the seat next to me laughing and screaming, too. Right now I don’t want to get off, especially not before the loop and my favorite corkscrew. And getting off for a break right now would mean I’m no longer sitting next to one of my best friends. A friend who left me in body, but is here in spirit. I’m begrudging stopping to eat and sleep. Even stopping to write this post is delaying me from returning to the story.

I had no idea that writing this book would bring me right back to these places we had been together. I feel like it is a gift I get to cherish as I write it down. I’m hoping that it is good enough to share, but even if it isn’t, I feel like I am finally getting a chance to process what it all has meant to me.

So I’m stepping away from the internet, facebook, twitter, etc to stick with this ride. I don’t know how long it will take the second time through. It took me almost 30 years the first time through with the last exciting bit taking about 8 years. See you in the gift shop at the exit.

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